A couple years ago around Christmas time, I was emotionally and mentally struggling. My ‘self’ was hurting. I had three young kids, my youngest was just over a year and I was overwhelmed while battling mastitis… again. When talking to a close friend about everything, she very bluntly said, “well, you are co-dependent on your kids.” She then recommended I read Co-dependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie.
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Co-Dependent No More
While a large focus of the book is co-dependency due to alcoholism (which thankfully wasn’t part of my childhood), I found this book life-changing in that it drove the point home that I need to take care of MYSELF. From then on, I chose to do something for myself daily which I have kept up. For me, that means reading and daily walks outside. Through reading, I have discovered self-healing, peaceful parenting, and more. I feel Co-dependent No More by Melody Bettie was the first book that began my self-healing journey.
The Body Keeps the Score
The next one I read was called The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. This is a heavy, important read that everyone should access. I had a happy childhood but even with that, the book brought up some ‘big feelings’ I didn’t even know existed. It helped me recommit to interact with my kids in helpful versus hurtful ways.
The author discusses how our bodies remember traumas even if our mind does not. I find this true every year as I approach the anniversary of my miscarriage, even if I don’t remember what day it is. I get really sad and emotional about a week before. Also, on a family bike ride, one of my kids was almost hit by a car going 45 mph. I spiraled into massive PTSD afterwards and struggled for a time trying to cope with the near fatal occurrence. After talking with a wise friend and seeking counsel with a religious leader, I was able to make the connection that my body was remembering my other loss. Thankfully, I was able to eventually move forward and find peace.
Healing Your Lost Inner Child
What I am currently working through is Healing Your Lost Inner Child: How to Stop Impulsive Reactions, Set Healthy Boundaries and Embrace an Authentic Life by Robert Jackman. So far, I am really liking it. I am committing to do all the exercises in the book so it is a slow, yet needed, process. ** I finished the book.** Read more about it in this blog post.
Have you read my blog post about the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson or childhood emotional neglect? It is a must read. Are you a self-healer? What books have helped you? Make sure to check the non-fiction section for other great reads!
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